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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677909">Dumb ways to die in Starfleet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Catra/pseuds/Captain_Catra'>Captain_Catra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Minor Character Death, Only OCs die, Other, Starfleet, Starfleet Academy, The Borg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:41:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Catra/pseuds/Captain_Catra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>these are the dumbest deaths to happen to Starfleet Officers</p><p> </p><p>Edited</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Collective Ouch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Always travel with a friend</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two very drunk Starfleet officers; lieutenant McNamara and Williamson walk out of a Risain bar. While stumbling around the streets they encounter a lone Borg drone, Lt McNamara turns to Williamson and says “You won't.’ Lt Williamsons without a word straightens his back and marches over to the drone and with all the strength he could muster, he swiftly longed his foot between the drones legs, causing the whole Borg Collective crumple and whimper pain.</p><p>Ever since the day of the ‘Collective Ouch’ the Borg have plotted their revenge on Lt McNamara and Williamsons. Their plan was simple but devastating, they would give them a taste of their own medicine by kicking them in THE BALLS! It was so deceptively simple, but it would be an effective plan.</p><p>Two weeks later the plan was in motion, one hundred Borg ships entered Risa’s planetary orbit, and beamed down two of their best Borg drones to Risain Bar. It took a moment for the drones to spot the Starfleet Officers. The drones searched the bar for the infamous men, finally finding their targets they strutted over to the pair, tapping them on the shoulder to catch their attention. When the men turned around the Borg drones smiled devilishly before they kicked the pair so hard in the family jules, it ruptured all their organs and made them fly up into the roof, instantly killing them. With their revenge complete they simply left the bar.</p><p>PSA: No Borgs were harmed in the making of this story.</p><p>PSA: No Starfleet offices were harmed in the making of this story.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. DON'T YEET THAT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This the story of how I got detention and my friend got phasered in the face. It all began when my friend cadet Jensen and I were ditching class. We were hanging out in the cargo bay at Starfleet academy. One thing led to another and we ended up having a friendly competition of ‘who can yeet the thing the furthest’. It started off with a wrench, and then a tricorder and a blue barrel, by this time we weren't paying attention to what we were throwing. Next thing I knew I had picked up my one and only ham sandwich. </p><p>I cocked my arm back and threw the sandwich with all my might, we watched with shock and horror as it flew across the room, slowly coming a part into three distinct parts, bread, ham and bread. It was as the ham was at its highest, our Professor Mr. Grump entered the room. To our joy, the hammy goodness splatted our Professor in the face, temporarily blinding him, giving us the perfect chance to escape without notice. </p><p>“Scatter!” I yelled in time with Cadet Jenson, who yelled his final yeet and threw a phaser across the room. </p><p>Despite all logic, the phaser hit the wall at the perfect angle to discharge. The discharge first hit the ground, then the blue barrel and then the wall before hitting Cadet Jenson in the face. </p><p>I watched from behind another blue barrel the single piece of ham fall from Professor Grumps face revealing to him the mess we had created and Cadet Jenson’s dead body. </p><p>“Fucking kids.”</p>
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